Listening to your own heartbeat
Finding a quiet place to hear yourself think
In early May I will be travelling to Hollyhock on Cortes Island, located on the traditional territories of the Klahoose, Tla’amin, and Homalco Nations. I have returned to this place many times for renewal and inspiration. Cortes island is located at the tip of the Salish Sea where the expanse of the Strait of Georgia narrows and the islands get much closer together. The island is across the strait from Lund on the Sunshine Coast and near the gateway to Desolation Sound. It takes 3 ferries to get there from Vancouver, or a combination of propellor plane and water taxi. It is far enough away from the urban landscape to allow for a full exhale.
It is one place where I get a chance to listen to my own heartbeat.
The paths on the island remind me of my days as a camper and camp counsellor in Ontario. They are well worn but not paved, evidence of many people walking these same paths before me. I love the way the light shines through the trees and the oyster catchers call as they defend their territories on the shoreline. What I notice most about being on this island is that it is quiet enough that I can hear my own voice.
Obviously I hear myself thinking most days but the train of thoughts go something like this… How do I support my co-worker who’s clearly struggling but isn’t sharing why? What’s for dinner? Where is her dance leotard? Are those cleats too small for him? Has the dog been fed? What day is that conference? Have you checked the family google calendar? Do you need the car or should I get a Modo? Do we have a spare inner tube as my bike has a flat and I’m going biking on Sunday? Have you talked to mom yet about her foot? Was it a bone spur? Where is the T4 from your summer job last year? Is the next meeting on zoom or google meet? What’s my password to Canva? Where can I learn more about stopping fascism? And that’s just the last 5 minutes.
The river of questions are endless in a single day. In a home. In a family. Finding quiet is now easily associated with a $19.99 app for being calm, 5 minutes at the end of a yoga class or a ping, a reminder when to turn off your phone. Everyday you should be drinking more water, lifting heavy, eating more protein, meditating, taking time to be present, drinking electrolytes with probiotics and magnesium and you get the picture. We all know exactly what I’m talking about. Take a social media cleanse. Don’t post about it.
A long while ago when I was first had my twins I got a book called “Babyproofing your marriage”. It was a fun read because it tried to find a way to put some priority on the marriage when these new humans (aka new roommates) just arrived to transform the rest of your life as you knew it. One of the ideas that I took from that book was an annual ‘corporate retreat’ for the couple. The idea was that if good businesses go on retreat once a year, why not follow the same strategy for your marriage. A weekend away to reset and think about the year ahead and enjoy each other. Sounded like a good option. I have tried to practice this with my partner each year - even if it is just one night in local hotel. We’ve had some full week retreats over the years and it’s a reminder of who we were before we started a family.
I’d like to think that a retreat on an annual cycle is good practice for leaders to take time to hear their own voice. As leaders we spend a lot of time listening to the voices of others around us. I have found that it is incredibly helpful to take time off to hear your inner voice and remind yourself why you are doing what you do.
Over the years I had found myself attending workshops with a lot of content and a lot of time where another leader was sharing important lessons at the front of the room. I noticed that I was in listening mode, learning mode and always in productivity and improvement mode. This is what is expected - that we go away on a leadership retreat and we get better at what we do. What if the opposite was true? What if you needed less content and more being?
I found in many leadership retreats that my voice was trying to come through but that I had to leave the sessions to simply hear myself.
I would find myself journalling or lying in the grass just feeling what it felt like to be me again. That kid at camp running through the paths singing at the top of my voice. Giggling. Laughing out loud. She is in there every day but she gets busy with work, mothering, caregiving and life.
I have so many responsibilities as a wife, daughter, mother and leader at work that I need a different kind of experience to listen to myself. I need a week without any responsibility so that I could remember who I was and where I was going.
So that’s the focus of the retreat I’m co-designing this May with Adrian Sinclair. What if we just gave ourselves enough time to listen to our own heartbeats? To listen to the voice that is with us everyday but that may not get much attention. How might we design a retreat with a group of leaders where everyone has a chance to connect AND hear their own voice and heartbeat?
If you are curious how to actually listen to your own heartbeat you can do a quick web search for Yoga Nidra (lying down meditation) and heartbeat. If you want to join us, check out hollyhock.ca Enjoy!
love this!